FRIENDS
I've always struggle with friends. Making them, keeping the, hanging out with them. Anything to do with friends I was bad at. In elementary school everybody in your class is your friend. If you're having a birthday party,you have to invite everybody, even that girl that stole your crayons back in kindergarten. I was never good at making friends. I'm either too quiet or way too over excited.
I remember my first best friend, heck he was my first crush. I just moved to a new school and didn't know anybody and I'm awful with names but I remember his. His name was Jordan and he was the first person that was nice to me. One time a girl in my class made him pee his pants and it was the best thing ever to this day I still hold it against him. One time in fifth grade to middle school we had people convinced that we were related in some strange way. He was my absolute best friend but one day we had a falling out and it wasn't the same. I regret having that happen but life happens.
Middle school was tough for me. My female best friend was not in any of my classes and that killed me because we were inseparable since third grade. I made new friends and so did she. We grew apart a little during school but all our time outside was dedicated to each other. I guess that happens when you live less than a block away from each other. I had two best friends during this time, Amy and Courtney, I also had a lot of people I was “close” to. This was the time when I discovered fake friends. One day during a track meet Courtney came up to me and out of nowhere said “Alyssa and I weren't going to talk to you or be your friend at all this year.” (Alyssa was her sister.) That destroyed me but of course I brushed it off. I stayed friends with her but we weren't as close. One day she moved and we just stopped talking and I wasn't really sad about it. I stayed best friends with Amy up until sophomore year.
I have had so many people walk into my life and I know that happens but it makes it so hard to open up to people because what's the point when they’re just going to leave anyways. I have a small group of people today that I let into my life. One is a completely new person that I've had around since seventh grade but just recently she became the absolute only female I can spend more than one day with. Amy use to be like that only because she was like my sister and she listened to me complain and our parents would pawn us off on each other when they got sick of us.
When I moved away I found out who my real friends were and basically it was nobody . With all the people that claimed me as a “best friend” only Zoe stayed in contact and talks to me daily. Do you know how hard that is? To have your closest friends just forget because you moved away and you are no longer convenient to them.
I’m not the most outgoing person in the world because I’m scared someone will secretly find me annoying and it’s not irrational as it has happened before. So it’s hard to trust but once I open to you its because I trust you with my life so please don’t screw me over like everyone in my past has.
